Why Some People Self-Injure and What’s Really Going On in the Brain

Self-harm is one of those topics that’s hard to talk about, yet it’s something many people quietly struggle with. It’s easy to assume it’s about “wanting attention”. However, there is more than meets the eye. 

We believe that understanding what drives self-injury helps replace shame and judgment with empathy and care. To truly understand this behaviour, we need to look beneath the surface, at what’s happening in the brain and nervous system during those moments.

What’s Actually Happening in the Brain

Here’s the science part and it’s kind of fascinating. When someone self-harms, their brain releases a rush of chemicals that help them feel something different, even if just for a short time.

• Endorphins: the body’s natural painkillers - they numb both physical and emotional pain.

• Dopamine: the “feel-good” chemical that creates a brief sense of calm or even relief.

• Serotonin: helps stabilize mood after the act, creating a temporary sense of control, and a calmness all throughout the body and mind.

  
  

That combo can make the brain associate self-harm with comfort or relief, like pressing pause on emotional chaos. The problem? It only works short term, and the brain can start to crave that same chemical release again and again.

It’s Not About Seeking Attention, It’s About Seeking Relief

For many, self-injury is a way to cope with emotions that feel unbearable or impossible to express. It might come after intense stress, shame, grief, or trauma. It’s a way of saying, “I can’t hold this inside anymore.”

But because the relief is temporary, the emotional pain comes back, often stronger. That cycle can feel hard to break without the right kind of support. 

The Good News: The Brain Can Heal

The same brain that learns ”unhealthy” coping can also learn new, “healthier” ways to regulate emotions. That’s the incredible part,  healing is absolutely possible!

Therapy can help retrain the nervous system to find balance in safer, more sustainable ways. Some of the most effective approaches include:

• DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy): teaches emotional regulation, mindfulness, and distress tolerance.

• Somatic or trauma-focused therapy, including EMDR and IFS: this therapy helps process emotions stored in the body and restore a sense of safety.

• Mindfulness practices: reconnect you with your body without harm, grounding you in the present moment.

Healing isn’t about shame or willpower, it’s about giving your brain new tools to feel safe, with compassion and understanding. 

If You’re Supporting Someone Who Self-Injures

Here’s how to show up in a way that will help:

• Lead with compassion, not panic or judgment.

• Listen before you try to fix.

• Encourage professional help- don’t force it.

• Remember: their brain has learned that this is how they can regulate. It is our goal to help them find other ways to regulate and cope with big emotions.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re someone who uses self-harm to cope, please know this: your pain is valid, and your healing matters. You deserve support that sees you, not just your symptoms.

At Northern Therapy Clinic, our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care and emotional regulation. We help you unpack the “why” behind your coping and build new ways to manage life’s hardest moments - without or with reduced self-harm.

💬 Reach out today to connect with one of our therapists and start your healing journey. You don’t have to face this alone.